It's okay not to be okay (2020)
사이코지만 괜찮아
Starring: Kim Soo Hyun, Seo Ye Ji, Oh Jung Se
Seen: June-August 2020, following every new episode
I waited for this drama to be released ever since I knew Kim Soo Hyun had started filming it, after returning from his mandatory military service. I was really excited to see what this drama would be about. Kim Soo Hyun is one of my favorite male Korean actors. I shared this excitement with one of my Korean friends and we were both quick on Kakaotalk* when the first episode aired. I had quite high expectations to be honest, and from the first few minutes I got a feeling that they'd be met. I felt a lot of emotions during this drama and this review will be long, fair warning, because there is so much to analyze in it. I wrote down things that caught my attention as I watched and by episode 6 of 16 total, I'd already written notes for a 7 minutes blog post. I loved it thoroughly, and I loved analyzing it even more so be prepared for a longer read~
Storyline:
The drama revolves around Moon Gang Tae, a psychiatric ward caregiver who has commitment issues and moves from place to place, job to job every year, and Ko Mun Yeong, a children's book author with antisocial personality disorder due to childhood trauma. Gang Tae feels he doesn't have time for love, while Mun Yeong simply has never recieved it. After stumbling into each other on multiple occasions, they slowly get to know one another and begin to heal each other’s emotional wounds.
Disclaimer! This drama involves flashbacks scenes of abuse and severe childhood trauma is a central part of the main character. Parts are set at psychiatric hospitals which involves scenes of mental breakdowns and violence. Watch with causion if these are things you find uncomfortable.
First impression:
This drama had my attention right from the intro. I thought I'd pressed the wrong show or something was wrong with the episode until I heard Kim Soo Hyun's voice. I really loved how they made the "prologue" in clay - it gave the energy of a drama with spooky edges and a deep message (anyone seen Neil Gaiman's Coraline?).
It was hard not to love the characters. My favorites were instintly Sang Tae and Mun Yeong. Polar opposites, but who have more incommon than seen on the surface. I found myself giving them a more thorough, amature analysis, too, and not just the drama as a whole, like usual. There really was a lot to this drama, and I can't repeate enough how much I loved it.
Ko Mun Yeong
Mun Yeong is a fiery soul. Brutally honest, straight forward and she doesn't wink against people's judgment. During the early episodes, when she's just gotten the job at OK hospital, she calls Gang Tae out for running away from her. She calls him a coward, and the look on his face tells the audiance that he knows it's true but he's not brave enough to face it (yet). The thing I see is that I think she's thinking about herself, too, when she says this to him. It's always easier to give advice to other people than to listen to them yourself, and it's always hard to hear what you need to hear when you don't want to hear it.
There's a very cool scene they made where Mun Yeong and Gang Tae are standing on either side of closing elevator doors. It makes them look like mirror images of each other - shattered children in adults bodies, longing for the hand of bravery to help them heal and help them grow. It's very poetic; the concept that that hand of bravery is the other person on the otherside of the door.
Mun Yeong's also a very determined person. She will have Gang Tae and that's final. She's quite relentless in the way she psychs him. Yes, manipulates him to some degree. When she loudly asks for sex to get his attention, by making him embarressed, or when she calls him a hypocite, it's only a strategy to press his weak spots - trigger his mind to start spinning. Another example is when she almost hits him with her car - she had full control but let him think she wouldn't stop just to see if he'd stay put. That's what she wanted. He doesn't let himself be led on by her tricks of seduction, but maybe that's become more or less part of his personality after working in psychiatric hospitals. He needs to be firm in his ways. They dance very calcualted, each having a go at the next twirl.
Mun Yeong has a very cold and uncaring personality, and it's clear that's becasue she's tormented. All the scene of Mun Yeong having nightmares about her mother are so strong. I was amazed with how well Seo Ye Ji acted such raw, terrified emotions. The nightmares told a lot of hidden secrets about her trauma and why she has the struggles she has. Very powerful. I stopped breathing for a moment in the end of episode 6, when she screamed at Gang Tae to run and to leave as fast as he could. She wasn't fully concious at the time, that was clear, but to see her subconciously turning to him and wanting to protect him, save him from her mother's warning of murdering her prince was as heroic as it was heartbreaking. I loved the detail they highlighted - her fisting his shirt and refusing to let go as she told him to run away. I think something clicked for him in that moment and it was as if he suddenly understood something. He found a vital puzzle piece in her mystery, so he told her he wouldn't leave. And she fell back asleep. Beautiful.
Mun Yeong, like so many others who strongly differ from other people, is gravely misunderstood. The beauty in her and Gang Tae's relationship is how they meet each other's ends. They fit in each other's missing spaces. Gang Tae is the first person who believes in her and she is the first person who manages to make him let go. Let go of the responsibilities he's given himself but wishes to be rid of.
I reeeally loved how she figured out as early as the second episode that Gang Tae's the boy from her childhood - her "prince". There's no hogwash, it's straight on, right away. There's no big reveal or realization, like in Hotel Del Luna when the viewers find out Man Woel's first love, the one she's waiting for, was the first guest of the hotel and never left, That he's the firefly. It's beautiful and all, but it draws out for so long that if you haven't figured it out yourself already, you're barely even exicted for the reveal when it does come. That was my first big plus to this show!
Moon Gang Tae
Gang Tae's been sacraficing his life for Sang Tae. In the beginning of the drama, he exclaims how much he's weightened down by it. No one can tell him he doesn't love his brother, and it's very touching to see a lot of their brother moments - whether it be Gang Tae helping Sang Tae from one of his overwhelmed states or it being Sang Tae "hyunging" his little brother. I do love how Gang Tae thakes care of his brother, even if it's clearly something that's made him struggle mentally. Autism is something so many are afraid off because the person functions in a different way than nonautistic people and I've always found that annoying. If there's something I've never been, it's afraid of people who are different. If there's something I'll always be, it's annoyed with people who treat people differently just beacuse they're different. Everyone is different from another, there's no excuse to make an exagurated exception for someone for example with autism. Treat people for who they are, not who society tries to make them. Always.
Regardless of the circumstances with Sang Tae "being chased by butterflies" and Gang Tae feeling like he can't have his own life, I admire him staying with him. I really liked when Gang Tae agreed, even if reluctantly, to living with Mun Yeong so that Sang Tae could be her illustrator. He'd had control of his brother for as long as he could remember, even when it was forced upon him, he still took care of him. Here he does something for Sang Tae which is only for Sang Tae. It was a sign of faith that I don't think he really thought he had in his hyung or himself, but he went along anyways.
Their situation makes me think of I am Sam with Sean Pen, an extremely underrated and amazing movie. So deep. It's a little different storyline however, but the centre is nonetheless the same. Sam has a reduced mental capacity and hasn't aged mentally past a 7 year old but he lives an adult life and cares for his 7 year old daugther on his own. Once again, I am amazed by the storyline of this drama. It's different, unique and capturing and so beyond what I've seen before that I see this whole drama as a puzzle, and I love puzzles - especially when the puzzles are people.
It was easy to understand that Gang Tae was the boy who followed the cursed child around, but the memory flickers at the end of episode 1 were still very emotional. I liked the little plotstwist of Gang Tae knowing all along that Mun Yeong was his first love. His reasons might've been selfish, but he turned it around real quickly. From starting out annoyed by Mun Yeong and wanting to be rid of her, to seeking her out is a sweet thing to witness. They made that climb slow, not immediate and easily forseen but like another emotional journey. Though Mun Yeong wanted Gang Tae from the beginning, they built it up until Gang Tae had grown enough in himself to feel able to let her in and allow his own feelings for her to blossom.
This is something I connected back to episode 2 when Sang Tae gets overwhelmed at the book signing by the man pulls his hair (rude btw, what happened to speaking to people?). The way Gang Tae runs in and blocks away the surroundings for Sang Tae is a very powerful scene, it really shows how "he doesn't make any deep connections" all comes back to his brother. As Gang Tae grows, so does Sang Tae and eventually they realize they're their own people and while they want each other close - they belong to themselves.
This is also in this scene I really started liking Mun Yeong too. You get to see how she values her attention directed to Gang Tae and Sang Tae. She has a cold attitude, dangerous, mysterious, but it quickly shows that she isn't as relentless and vicious as she seems. "Should I help him or not, should I help him or not" and eventually she does. The way they repeat certain things connected to childhood scenes (for example) is a way to keep the red threat constantly present in the story and keeps you from forgetting where the story actually started. "Should I help him or not" is something she weights when helping Gang Tae as a child too, and she ends up doing it then too. I think that leads back to her childhood trauma, weighting whether she should help or not, picking pettles of a flower is her way of weighting if it's worth it. Is this person worht it? is this action worth it? She does it slowly and calculated, she observes and then decide. That's rare, a lot of people do or say before thinking. When it really matters, she does the opposite. Any other situation, not so much.
Moon Sang Tae
Sang Tae is a lot like Mun Yeong, if you think about it. They're both straight forward, brutally honest, cuts bullshit and has trouble with understanding and reading other people's expressions. At the same time, though, they both care deeply about their closest ones. I really think they were the best of friends possible.
I almost cried when Sang Tae showed Gang Tae that he wanted to save up to a camping van so they didn't have to move around so much, and all the landlords wouldn't be angry at Gang Tae. He's so sweet and considerate. I think a lot of people who watched this drama found Sang Tae as their favorite character. He's been living his whole life having his little brother feeling like he has to take care of him, but he makes it clear that whether or not he can do certain things on his own or not due to his autism he's still the hyung. "You're a coward because you're the little brother. I'm the big brother you can trust me, Trust me I'm big brother you can count on me". I laughed everytime he gave Gang Tae a "beating" for misbehaving or raising his voice at him. He claimed his rightful place as big brother~
I also love how Sang Tae matures in his own, special way as the show thrives. When Gang Tae finally gives in to his feelings for Mun Yeong and they try to ease Sang Tae into them being three, Gang Tae belongs to Gang Tae, you clearly see the struggle Sang Tae goes through. I think it was a very clear outstretched hand, even though not completely confident, when he called for Mun Yeong, too, to hurry up so they could go home, when he'd treated Gang Tae to dinner. That was a very sweet scene and I felt so much for Mun Yeong - she really found a family, a very unique one. In turn, Mun Yeong's desire to be seen as a family member by Sang Tae is the other end of the rope to to tie them all together. She tries in her own unique way to persuade Sang Tae that she's willing and worthy to be a part of their family. It's proven in episode 15 when Sang Tae saves his "brother and sister" from Mun Yeong's mother. The reflection of them as children is so powerful and I think that really shows how they've found strenghts with each other to grow up. Sang Tae who was usually pushed behind his little brother's back, took the front and protected his own. He wasn't the one being protected anymore, he was let to protect.
There is such a depth to these characters and the journey they make as a individuals is extrondinary. Had this drama been about teenagers, I would've called it a "coming of age" drama. The way Mun Yeong's empty can fills up with the love of Gang Tae and Sang Tae, she learns to control her impulsivness and consider other people's feelings. How Gang Tae learns to let go of order and take care of himself, his heart and his wishes, admitting to himself that he wants Mun Yeong and that doesn't mean he has to abandon his brother. How Sang Tae overcomes his fear of butterflies and stands up for himself, learns to share his brother, learns to allow other people into his family and finally decides for himself that he wants to go on without his brother. It's a beautiful story of finding yourself, where you belong and learning that you are more than your fears and childhood traumas. It also gives an important message of family - it's not always blood and it's not always who you originally think it is or will be.
Cultural imput:
People are their cultures, since it shapes their minds, opinions, values, speech and actions from the lessons their taught during their upbringing. Without culture, people wouldn't be the same. Culture is what makes us exceptionally unique from one another and I've already stated several times how interested and passionate I am about other people's cultures and learning about and from them. This drama however, doesn't have a lot of Korean culture that sticks out to me as a foreginer. In previous reviews I've mentioned social statues, the special age system and how parents opinions are valued in their children's lives but this drama is so tangled up in it's own storyline that not a lot shines through. This drama doesn't have the genre or story type of "a young heir to a rich company" or alike. It's about a comon, working man with issues, doubts, struggles and fears, his autistic older brother and a traumatized children's book writer who end up becoming each other's keys to their doors of moving on and above. Their's no politics involved here, and Mr. Lee, who starts out being an annoying, money hungry boss ends up being an ordinary, awkward man with a much bigger concern for his friend rather than for"the person whose books make him rich".
Therefor, the only thing I can think of mentioning in this section is the OK psychiatric hospital, in which a lot of the drama is set. It had me a little confused, considering the patients staying there. My home country has a long history of mental hospitals, but none that are as they used to be - in a time when mental health and disorders weren't viewed and accepted as they are in many countries today. Today we have psychiatric wards at ordinary hospitals as well as group homes for people in more need of constant help of different reasons, for example intellecutal disabled, as well as rehabilition homes/wards, for example for alcoholism or recovering from eating disorders. Considering OK hospital has a very variated area of mentally unhealthy patients, I was curious how it worked. Patients at OK psychiatric hospital is a mix between brain tumor, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression, alcoholism, Disociative Identity Disorder and selfharm due to depression from greif of a lost loved one. The mix is very diverse. I'm wondering if it's not really a psychiatric hospital, even if that's the name of the facility, but maybe more of a rehabilitation hospital? Very interesting system. I don't know how psychiatric hospitals generally work in Korea, so maybe this is after all a small speaking culturally.
As much as I know about Korean views of mental dishealth, it's that it's generally a more tabu topic than not. It's not educated in schools, where scores and grades are the most important thing and it's not discussed in the open. It's treated as more of a private topic, something you talk about with friends or family rather than with anyone. Of course it always has to do with whether or not the individual in question is comfortable telling others about their issues, but generally speaking it's not a public topic. Perhaps that's why there's such a diversity of patients portrayed at the hospital - because of the general society's uninterest in learning more about mentail health and different mental disorders and diagnosises leaves it easier to give the people "in need" medical help and not learn ways to support them at home. I don't know, but it'san interpretation. As from what one my Korean friends have explained to me, the interest in increasing awarness of people's mental health is growing but still is a very closed topic.
"Korea has a very stressed, high preassured culture, which is called "competitive culture" and we start living very stressfully from a very young age because of it. It (mental dishealth) is a quite serious problem in Korean, especially in Seoul. Nowadays, there are many people who have problems with their mental health, for example depression and insomnia. In the past, Koreans think that it is really weird to go to mental hospitals because not everyone like to reveal the mental health problems which they experienced. Now, the era is changing and it is more natural and casual to go seek help," is how my friend phrased it when I asked about how Koreans view the topic.
The Scandinavian view of mental health is much more open. My generation strives towards no public shame in going to a therapist or getting medicated help for insomnia or depression. The shame is with individuals, just like my friend said, rather than groups. I've learned so much about people's mind and different mental struggles thanks to my school mates being so relaxed and open with telling me about their problems. The education of it still could be better, but I think it's only a matter of time considering how much youths push for their struggles to be heard, helped and understood without prejudice.
Don't judge the person sitting beside you. You don't know their story, nor the battles they might be fighting.
*Kakaotalk is as Korean app where you can call and text simillar to whatsapp. Most Koreans have it and I do too to benefit my friends. If you are interested in finding Korean friends or want to keep in touch with your current Korean friends more efficiantly, you can download the app and set up your profile with your phone number very easily! There are group chats for example with international BTS fans, people who want to learn Korean et cetera, but you can also just use it like a normal messaging app. You will also see that if you have any contacts regestered in your phone who has Kakaotalk, their contact will automatically pop up on your Kakaotalk profile! Very handy!
In my review of W I said it made it into my top five, maybe even top three. It's okay not to be okay is in my top 3. My love for Chichago Typewriter is very strong, but this drama deserves all the glory and glamour so I think I'll have to squeeze it up to number 1, too~
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